Robot Imana-665-C Grogmeetish 2020 Play Report

The final Grogmeetish 2020 session saw, for me anyway, a late, late start but I couldn't turn down picking up and playing Paranoia, after a 32-year hiatus.  Usually, I'd reference the design and company, but it's hard to understand what version of Paranoia is current, so instead, I'd suggest going to the excellent Roll to Save podcast and listen to the Paranoia History episode here.

If you want to play this scenario, I've got my original 1986 rules version with this mini adventure in it, but you can't have that, instead try drivethrurpg, see here.

Here Be Spoilers (plus artistic licence from a sleep-deprived mind)

Morgan-R doesn't like commies, Morgan-R has acid for sweat, Morgan-R doesn't like mutants, Morgan-R sings from the Public Hating Singalong booklet, Morgan-R thinks Conn-R and Douglas-R are traitorous scum, Morgan-R is intrigued by the new vitamin supplement "Doctor Bot"  but most of all Morgan-R likes to clean and clean with a passion, dirt is second only to commies on his hit list.

But today Morgan-R is expecting a very bad day, the computer has a mission for him and for his cohabitees Jon-R, Pat-R, Conn-R and Douglas-R.  The mission, which they have no choice to accept is as follows;

••••• MISSION ALERT •••••

Robot Imana-665-C is reported to be malfunctioning. The following Troubleshooters will report directly to George-B-MEM-4, acting undersecretary to the temporary assistant director of Research & Design, Sector MEM, for assignment.

Thank you for your cooperation

As the citizens gather in the office of the diminutive and bristling, George-BMEM-4, they wait expectantly for a detailed break down of the task, "Fix the Robot." is barked at them and then they are turned around and lead into the depths of Alpha Complex, through a series of blast doors, where armed guards sneer and chuckle at them and on into a small room, with a robot...

Robot Imana-665-C is unplugged in the centre of the room, video camera's survey the room and a large computer terminal adorns one wall.  Pat-R and Jon-R attempt to move the robot to a nearby power socket, Conn-R, starts scrabbling around under the computer terminal and their leader for this mission, Douglas-R, seems to have become lost on the way to the room.  After a little while, Morgan-R attempts to blast the robot with cleansing fluid, because it is filthy and it may help it slide across the floor more easily.  This works, in a fashion, Pat-R notices a shiny metal disk on the floor, Morgan-R points out that it should be shoved with maximum force into a slot on the robot.  After some deliberation, including Pat-R sitting in a corner scorching the disk into an irregular shape, this is achieved, parts of the disk scatter across the floor, but most of it is somewhere inside the robot.

The Robot is fixed, Jon-R leaps for joy and passes around happiness pills, Morgan-R and Pat-R gurn and leap around, much foam is sprayed from Morgan-Rs disinfectant cannon, the room is awash with bubbles.  Jon-R is summarily dispatched to inform the computer of a job well done.

As Jon-R is led into a small cylindrical booth, he is restrained and questioned whilst a laser lights up a spot equidistant to each eye.  "How has the robot been tested, citizen?".  Jon-R is overcome with panic, stuttering and blustering, he is given a final warning and returned to the robot.  Jon-Rs mellow is severely harshed, "Pat-R you fucking idiot, you haven't tested it yet!?"

A long cycle of tests, prods come to no avail until Jon-R asks "Robot-Imana-665-C can you speak?" "Affirmative" ... glory be, a talking robot ... quizzing the robot gets inconsistent results, but it seems the visual sensor is not working, or it could be that, according to Pat-R, it's not delivering up snacks and drinks.

Things seem back on track when the computer announces, "Conn-R is a traitor, apprehend him."  Jon-R and Morgan-R train their guns on him, Pat-R is busy with another dose of happy pills and numerous swigs of Dr Bot, Pat-R is struggling to cope with the reality of the situation.  After a cursory cross-examination, Conn-R is blasted into nothingness and within minutes his replacement clone arrives.

In various order, another team arrives, looking for a  rogue bomb, the robot is opened up and satisfactorily cleansed with detergent and fire.  Sadly, after accepting a health supplement from Conn-R, Pat-R's head explodes,  Pat-R 2 arrives and immediately chomps down on some more happy pills, flicking his lighter on and off as he surveys the room for combustible material.  After another dose of various combinations of pills, Dr Bot and Fiery Algae chips the group find themselves within a crater in the ruins of Alpha Complex, the previous bomb squad are screaming at them... within a while the scene, their equipment and faces melt and they are back in the room.

None of these escapades has progressed the fixing of the robot, so Morgan-R dives into the machine and pulls out a suspect part in a hidden compartment, it's burnt and covered in suds, "This can't be right, it needs replacing" says Morgan-R, tossing the offending part to Jon-R.

Now follows an interminable sequence of phone calls to the logistics department to secure a replacement for the offending part, waiting in queues and answering surveys is all par for the course in alpha complex, but after at least two wrong items and a suspect personality assessment from the processed survey, Jon-R is questioned by Conn-R the loyalty office and taken out for re-education, Jon-R 2 returns... "So, so, so, so Happy to be given a new chance at this wonderful task." he beams, the room stares back.

Morgan-R has been trying to deal with raw sewage leaking into the room, an unfortunate accident by an over-excited member of the bomb squad, when a clumsy slip pulls down the whole roof and a human-sized mound of excreta now stands where Morgan-R was... screams are heard through the blast doors to the room.  Conn-R gets to work trying to scrub Morgan-R clean, "Keep going" he cries, Morgan-R is soon clean as can be, though with a face like a slab of raw steak and the tatters of his uniform hanging off of him.

Attention returns once more to the Robot, a knock at the door and by luck, there seems to be a replacement part, Conn-R, the least qualified is designated as the person with the best chance to fix this.  No one questions this.  But someone is watching down on the group...

Robot-Imana-665C announces, "Visual sensors now rectified."  The team collapse in various states of physical and mental exhasution, the room opens up and an Ultraviolet operative enters, "Excellent is my Fridge working now?".  The computer informs the team that "Exposure to Ultraviolet personnel will require immediate reconditioning."  Pat-R pops another happy pill and sits back against the wall, a wide grin spreading across his face.