Better Homes & Gardens, A Weekend With Good Friends Play Report

 A one-shot play report for Perfidious Racket designed by Sean F Smith, it's a variant or inspiration of Cthulhu Dark from Graham Walmsley.  The scenario Better Homes & Gardens was written and run by Tore Neilsen at the 2021 - A Weekend with Good Friends Con, a virtual gaming conference organised by the discord community of The Good Friends of Jackson Elias podcast.

...Here Be Spoilers (and a slight amount of artistic licence)...

...leering shadows and unkind angles blossoming and feeding...

Edith Bonsall stirs her cup-a-soup, absent-mindedly looking out of the window, the reflection of an aged, crumpled version or herself gawps back, she mentally shakes her head, closing her mouth.  It is night time outside, only a few low voltage street lamps highlight the housing blocks opposite, magnificent in their banality - New O'Donnell Heights.  

New O'Donnell Heights

She's piecing together how she got here, she thinks it's only been a month, but could it be longer - sometimes it helps to keep her mind from fading, faltering to remember the sequence of events.  This is all a long cry from a career in Mathematics, triple integrals.  Eighty-five years, give or take, of formulas, numbers, equations - all are clear to her but so much of the day-to-day is not.  She hears a noise outside and moves to the window, she removes a small notebook and pen from her pocket.

Down below she sees Mr Pizza, she doesn't know his name.  This is Sterling, he's in his 70s, an ex-fireman, ravaged with diabetes, gout, rheumatism and dragging an oxygen tank in one hand, the tube running up to his nose and in the other is a slice of pizza, globules of grease spatter the pavement as he lurches forward.  Sterling is intent on the object below Edith's window, just like from his books and films, this looks so familiar.

Edith and Sterling are peering at the object, Edith from on high and Sterling from halfway across the road.  It looks like a concrete plinth on top of which is a complex series of pipes, globes and, frankly, incomprehensible elements of geometry, that twist, slide and seem to frustrate in bringing any semblance of order to the structure.

"Hey Man, you out late" this is Malik, he's just about to head into his apartment, after a fruitless day and night of postering and leafleting his flyers.  Malil's been doing this for many months, a small girl, her face the spitting image of Malik, looks out cheerfully from a flyer.  His sister has been missing nearly 60 days now, police aren't interested, his mum looks at him with a cold, intent fury.  He'd only took his eyes off his sister for a second, it was like she'd disappeared off the planet, whoosh straight up into the air, but he has to believe she's somewhere nearby or someone has seen something.

"Hey, Sterling isn't it?  You okay?" says Malik.  Sterling looks over at him and waves him quiet, about to speak but then, mouth open, decides to pop another bite of pizza into it, "ffdfdjhgg, fdg ggggeretr" he chomps and sprays out pieces of pizza in his garbled reply.  Frustrated by Malik's incomprehension, Sterling jabs at the object.

Malik and Sterling move closer to the object and see that there is an inscription on the pedestal.

All cities are geological...

"What the fuck that mean?  Damn commies sounding off!?" exclaims Sterling.  "I dunno, I guess it means... well, I don't know what it means but it seems to go with this, this thing on top.  Don't you think?", Malik replies.  Sterling doesn't bother to respond he snorts and walks around the object, stroking his greasy chin with a greasy hand.

Edith opens her window, she's about to say something as first Sterling and then Malik run their hands over the statue.  "Oh my...", she exclaims, and gathers her housecoat, she makes a few adjustments to the diagram she's been drawing, picks up her stick and moves to the door.  Hurrying along the corridor she has a sense of unease, Mr. Pizza and now Paper Boy, touching the thing that just appeared, something strikes her as prescient about this, but what, didn't she dream of a similar object, but with metallic legs, chasing her down the hallways?

When Edith arrives, she sees Sterling peering at the hand of Malik, Edith edges over to have a look, there are strange fractal patterns, like burns, running across Malik's palm, she starts to copy these into her book.  Another man is also here, talking to the others, he looks nervous, he's asking a lot of questions, rapid-fire - what is this, what is it here, why did you touch it, what's wrong.  This is Camilo or Anger Management as Edith has coined him, he's not happy.

Fractal Burns

Sterling is now looking at his hand, he has the same pattern but it is feint, Malik is now experiencing a rhythmic pulsing from the centre of his hand, he starts shaking it, groaning in fear.  Camilo takes control, grabbing Malik and leading him to his flat, which is in front of the statue.  Camilo glares at Sterling, "What you doing that for?  Kid's got enough problems."  Sterling puts his hands up, confusion writ large on his flabby face.

Edith is looking closely at the sculpture, it is definitely the work of an expert sculptor but her background tells her a mathematician has had a lot of input into the design.  She quickly follows Camilo, Malik and Sterling into the flat.  Inside Camilo treats Malik with iodine, the marks seem to fade and Malik relaxes.

Arte Mathematica

Whilst the room is calm, Edith announces, "We need to remove the object from the plinth, then take it up to my room.  It's dangerous, chemicals or something, we can't have children touching it."  Camilo and Malik think that is a bad idea, "You are going to get in trouble lady, you are going to get us all in trouble." says Malik, gently.  Sterling ponders out loud, "There is something amazing about it, I've read about this type of thing, maybe put here by alien races, to test the brightest and the best of Earth."  Camilo sighs, "Ain't no brightest and best in the Heights!".

After much badgering, Edith has finally got Camilo to bring his tool case outside and they are working to try and remove the sculpture from the plinth.  Malik is also helping whilst Sterling points out flaws in their approach.

Another man, very tall, taps Malik on the shoulder, "Howdy friend." he says.  Malik starts and looks up, Malik's eyes widen, the man seems to have large pupils, almost shark-like, they seem to oscillate and flow across his eyes, "Arggh, what the hell!" shouts Malik.  The rest stop and look at the man, he seems normal, if a little concerned, they look back at Malik cowering from the man.  Malik composes himself, "Sorry, thought your eyes were... well, you startled me is all.".  The man stays for a few moments, idly chatting about the weather and the wonderful people in this housing area.  Before long, with little communication coming back from the group, he is on his way.

It is early morning, a family across the way has been watching this and the husband starts to head over.  Edith moves fast for an octogenarian, blocking his path to the sculpture.  Edith tries to be a matter of fact about the situation, a dangerous paint, they are doing their civic duty to remove it, of course, they will be calling the housing board.  The man is suspicious, but leaves muttering about a "crazy old coot" and with several glances back goes to join his family.

When Edith returns to the sculpture the men have managed to remove all the bolts, Sterling has got a duvet and they are trying to tip the sculpture into the duvet.  As they complete this Edith immediately starts harrying them upstairs to her apartment.  They try to object but Edith is insistent, she will take full blame for this, if the authorities press charges.  Edith feels she needs to keep this object under observation, learn how it is constructed, and hopefully uncover a few secrets, she swears she can see the sculpture change as time passes.

Edith Bonsall

Camilo and Malik have dragged the sculpture up to Edith's floor and have put it down to rest, they are panting hard, sweat on their brows.  Sterling and Edith have just joined them, they are puffing too.  As Edith goes to say something, she screams and points at the sculpture, a procession of grey, masked figures are now forming and flowing out of the sculpture and through the floor to the ground.  Edith resists a pull, a need to enter this hidden world, it's so wrong, it's like reality is breaking, "Throw it down the stairs!", she screams.  Edith then tries to pull the duvet to the stairs, as the others look on in horror.

Camilo regains some sense, and tries to stop Edith, he puts his arms around her and pushes her back against the hall walls.  Edith closes her eyes, she can feel the building throbbing, as if something is inside it, she fights against Camilo, "Get it down the stairs, throw it down!".  Malik tries to pick up the sculpture and move it away, his hand digs into a sharp edge and he cries out, black goo is flowing freely out of his wound.

Malik is looking at his hand, the black liquid, dripping onto the sculpture, he feels a doorway opening up, a cry, his sister?  "Chloe?  That you?".  Sterling is next to Malik, bandaging his hand, he also hears voices and sees a promise of a vast array of lands and cities calling out from the sculpture, there is flowing black, liquid architecture and strange denizens with fish heads, he is oblivious to Camilo and Edith arguing.  Sterling moves to the sculpture, he feels a pull, almost like gravity, he stretches out a hand to the centre of the object, it sucks at his fingers.  Malik looks on, he sees Sterling's fingers, then hand, then arm disappear into the centre of the sculpture, Sterling looks round, "It's okay, I've got to go, I can feel, something, it's wonderful.  I've got to go, it's going to be okay, there's nothing here for me now, it's time.  I'm gonna live my dreams!"

Malik puts his hand on Sterling's leg as Sterling starts to fold himself into the impossibly small space.  Malik hears Sterling sigh, then Malik's hand is close to the boundary, he hears again the cry of his sister, he pushes his hand into the space, there is a slurping sound, as he gently but firmly is pulled in after Sterling, he smiles, he knows where his sister is, it IS going to be alright.

Edith and Camilo eventually stop their fighting and turn to the sculpture, they see the left sneaker of Malik seemingly melding with the construction, there is no sign of Sterling.  Edith backs away from the scene, edging along the wall until she finds her room, her eyes wide, glances once at Camilo before entering her flat and closing the door.

Three months later...

Edith is back in her apartment, she rarely goes out, but neighbours are kind enough to drop off some soup or a few essentials.  Strewn around her apartment are drawings, designs and strings of a mathematical formula.  If only she had her life again, she is sure she would have the time needed to solve these puzzles and open up something wonderful, something terrible but she had her chance, back with the sculpture, should she have taken it and gone through?  

Camilo is emaciated, he lies on the floor of a large dog cage, he is covered head to toe with tin foil, there is no light in the room.  The windows, doors and every opening is stuffed with foil and tapped up.  He listens and trembles at the slight vibrations he feels through the floor; He tries to hold his breath, he lets it out in a ragged gasp, a light grey haze forms and then sinks to the floor.  Small beads of black liquid form and then slowly join together, out of this splash of tar, a tendril forms and wavers in the air, sniffing for something...

Black goo