Blood on Brown Corduroy, a Burrito Con #6 Play Report

  A one-shot play report for Liminal designed by Paul Mitchener.  Blood on Brown Corduroy was written and run by Roddy at the 2021 Burrito Con #6 organised by Neil aka Old Scouser Roleplaying.

...Here Be Spoilers (and a slight amount of artistic licence)...

Blood on Brown Corduroy. It’s 1974. Bagpuss is on the telly, John Pertwee’s still The Doctor, and the Three Day Week has just kicked in...

...but you’ve got your own problems. You’re someone who has been touched by the strange in some way, drawn onto the precipice of the Hidden World, and thought your future was out there in the wider world – but the funeral of an important figure from your childhood has drawn you back to South Manchester and reunited you with your old schoolmates. Something seems off about it all though – Maybe the Hidden World was here, back home, all along? It’s up to you and your chums to find out. And you’ve got to do it all while wearing a shirt with massive lapels. 

Rogues Gallery

10am, The Funeral of Mr Nathan Oates

A rag-tag set of outsiders and never do wells have gathered for the funeral of their physics teacher, Mr Oates.  It's a drizzly day in Manchester and Brian Thompson is moping around Southern Cemetary,  inspecting the graves, trying to find the oldest deaths or oddest of names.  As he bends up from inspecting one particular, weathered and incomprehensible set of carvings, he stares straight into the face of his old classmate, Mike.  A few seconds pass, Brian grunts, nods at Mike who nods back, they turn away, circuitously making their way back to the church entrance, slowing and speeding up to avoid getting there at the same time.  Brian hated most of his old school friends, Mike was an exception, he merely disliked him.

More of his classmates can be seen arriving, but Brian doesn't care, it's cold, wet and he's heading inside.  Mike follows Brian, thinking, he's still an oddball, but then none of us are what you would call conventional.

Southern Cemetery

Brian is inside the church, family and friends are gathering, getting seated, a large coffin dominates one end of the church.  Brian is staring at the coffin, transfixed.  Mike pushes past him, "We'll all end up in one eventually", he smiles in passing.  Brian sneers.  Mike heads over to who he thinks is the family group, offering his condolences and singing the praises of their old science teacher.  Seconds later Brian is over, stepping in front of Mike, saying how he knew Mr Oates, not just a teacher but a dear friend.  Brian continues to lay this on, until Mr Oates sister, Beth is hanging on his every word, inviting him to sit on the front pew with them.  Mike thinks again, unbelievable the garbage Brian comes out with and everyone still laps it up, though even Mike feels a nagging thought that perhaps Brian had got close to Oakes, the whole story seems to be more believable the more he listens to Brian's silky tones.

"Oi, how you doing?", says a voice to Mike.  He turns, it's Yvonne, she's a bit of a mess, in a nice way, mismatched clothes, dead flowers in her hair, multi-coloured makeup, all very "flower power".  Yvonne hugs mike and continues "Is that Brian, he looks no different... still a fuckin, nutter."  She puts a hand over her mouth, looking around, "Ooops, me and me potty mouth, better say me niceties to the family."

Mike stands back, watching Yvonne try to get a few words in with the bereaved as Brian continues to jabber away at Beth and whoever will listen.  A few minutes later, Mike notices two people, a man and a woman, smartly dressed, they came in with Yvonne and have been watching her.  Yvonne turns back to Mike and notices them, "Come on over, say hi to Mikey." shouts Yvonne at them,  They put their palms up, shaking their heads and pointing to seats at the back.  Mike turns to Yvonne to ask who they are but when he tries to point them out, they seem to have left the church.  Yvonne said they approached her in the car park, they said that they were involved in Oates' hobbies and that they needed something back from him, but they didn't get to talk any further.

Outside it is raining harder and the sky is dark and grey.  Colin walks past a smartly dressed couple, arguing with each other, heading away from the Church.  Colin frowns, he's a little pissed off, come to think of it, Colin is always a little angry, but these annoying people and sitting in a church for an hour seems to have brought out an even more surly and fractious part of his nature.

A little while later, Carl screeches up to the Church in the shiniest and yellowish of cars, brand new Jaguar.  Carl takes off his sunglasses and slowly pulls off his tan, leather driving gloves, he gives a quick look in the mirror and gets out.  He walks past a sad, dark blue Volvo, seeing a smartly dressed couple and a hulking great man in the back, all arguing with each other.  Carl smiles and whistles to himself as he saunters into the church.

11am, The Wake at The Horse and Jockey

After the funeral, all of the ex-classmates find themselves outside, making small talk, when Carl pipes up, "Need a lift to the wake?"  They variously nod and thank him and head to the car.  Carl is lost in describing the various car metrics and parts of his "new baby", he finishes by saying, "Careful of the leather, right?"  With everyone in, Carl launches the sleek metal beast down the road, various occupants reach for seat belts and brace themselves, they are thrown from side to side as Carl navigates the streets of Manchester, lost in his own imaginary US cop show.

The Jag

Somewhat greener and a little dishevelled they disembark at the Horse and Jockey, heading inside for a pint and some free food.

Colin is ravenous, piling sandwiches into his pockets and stacking up a plate, he balances it in one hand, a pint in his other as he looks around for a table.  Mike is offering to pay for a round, Brian and Yvonne get in there quickly, before all of them, aside from Brian, go and sit with Mr Oates' sister Beth and a few of their old teachers.  Mr Arnold, their PE teacher, nods a little snootily at the ex-Chorlton Pupils, he's since shaved off his Hitler moustache, but still looks every inch a picture of fear and pain.  Ms Bannocks, sits beside him still with pigtails and a prodigious chest, even sitting, she seems to loom over the group, almost supernaturally powerful, but she smiles at them and nibbles on a stick of celery.

Brian is leaning against the door, he's been shaking the hands of everyone in the room and greeting all the newcomers, he's quite into his role of the dutiful nephew of the bereaved sister. He's invented a title for himself, First Arch-Bearer of the Oates Funeral Procession. 

As the group listen in to Beth and the other teachers, they try and piece together a little more of what happened to Mr Oates and fill in the gaps since they left school:

• Mr Oates died, apparently, of a weak heart
• It was a surprise, he'd always been fit, never missing a day of school through illness
• Many of them had lost touch with him over the last few years
• Oates' house has been cleared out, his stuff now with a storage company
• Arnold remembers he always had a notebook, full of mumbo-jumbo about magic and alchemy
• Bannocks remembers Oates arguing with them about Isaac Newton being an alchemist
• Lastly, they tell of his classroom at the school as a treasure trove of scientific oddities

Brian overhears this, but he's interested in talking to the couple that Yvonne met, he's not seen them come in, but peering through the door, he seems them, sitting in a blue Volvo.  He heads back to the group, "Them oddballs are in the car park, just sitting there.", Brian looks expectantly at them.  Carl and Mike push back their chairs and the three head outside.

Brian knocks on the window of the Volvo, the window is wound down, a very large, wardrobe of a man gets out of the back of the car and leans against the boot, eyeing them up as an elephant my eye up an ant.  

"Hello madam", begins Brian, "I thought you and your friends may like to come into the pub for the wake, I'm the First Arch-Bearer of the Oates...", but he is cut off by the firm but anxious woman, "No thank you, we don't want to intrude.  We just need to retrieve an object from Mr Oates.  It was, promised to us."  The group ask the woman to explain, she goes on that she and the person next to her, a man with lank, greasy brown hair are a Mrs and Mr Gray and the large, looming shadow next to Carl is Lurch.  They had been collaborating with Mr Oates on a research matter, he has a very rare copy of Isaac Newtons Principia, they need it back now.  They give a number to Brian and as they go to leave Lurch spits out a few unpleasantries at Carl's attempt at humour, Carl has already memorised the number plate and phone number, he grins at Lurch.

Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica, 1687 

As the car drives off, Colin and Yvonne join the group, Yvonne seems to sense some kind of magical essence trailing from inside the car, she tries to couch this in less odd terms, "Oh, prickles down my spine, they had a very strange aura, can feel my crystals chiming."

The group consult and agree, something is a little off, they decide to head to the school and see if there is any sign of this Principia in Mr Oates' classroom.  Paying their respects to the rest of the Oates family, Brian, in particular, vigorously shakes Mr Arnold's hand, pumping it up and down as he squeezes and kneads it, he absolutely hated that old bastard, remembering the bone-cold cross country runs he made them do.  They then quickly drink up and Colin stuffs a few more sandwiches and tips a plate of vol-u-vants into his pockets.  Five minutes later, they are off like a rocket, with Carl at the wheel.

12pm, Chorlton High School

Carl spots the same Volvo in his rearview mirror, as he turns out of the pub's car park.  Flooring the accelerator he speeds off into traffic, overtaking again and again as the Volvo soon becomes a speck and then disappears behind them.  Shortly they turn into the car park of Chorlton High School, staggering out of the car and looking up at the tall, iron gates, padlocked and grim in front of them.  Memories come flooding back.

Brian turns to them, his face looks a little odd, odder than normal odd, it starts to change, to get older, his hair thining out and within a few minutes, Mr Arnold is standing in front of them.  Brian puts a finger to his lips, "Quiet when Paulus comes and no freaking out, it's just a little trick I've learnt."  The group continue to stare open mouthed.

Mr Arnold, PE Teacher & Medieval Torturer

A few moments later, they rattle and shout at the gates and within no time the Polish Ex-World War II veteran and caretaker, Mr Paulus appears, "Hello Mr Arnold, you forget something, who are these peoples with you?"  Mr Arnold/Brian replies, "Some mature students, I'm earning a bit of extra cash from lessons on the side, but need a few books,.  Let us in my good fellow."  Paulus obliges but then calls out to the group, "Hey, Mr Arnold, that way is the science block, where you going?"  Brian/Mr Arnold replies with a wave of the hand, "Just a quick tour, they are old Chorltonians!"  Paulus rushes over with a large bunch of keys, smiling at them, "I'll open up for you, but please Mr Arnold, Sir, not much time, I got footie game at 3pm.  Come on you bluesies, yes?!"

As they head in, Mr Arnold turns to Paulus, "Keep an eye our for a Dark Blue Volvo, possible kiddie fiddlers."  Paulus' eyes are wide, then he stands up straight, stretching to all of his 5 feet 1 inch, "Yes Sir, Mr Arnold!", he brings his broom up by his side, almost saluting.  Carl sees a nod from Brian and puts an arm around Mr Paulus, "Come on mate, let's head back to the car park, have a scout around..."

1pm, Mr Oates' Classroom

Brian sits on one of the school desks, legs kicking idly, whilst the rest of the group scamper around the room, trying to find the book.  After a while, they've not found a book, but they have been investigating a large wooden globe with a keyhole in it, "Eureka!!!" shouts Yvonne, her hands are covered in dirt but she holds up a key she's found in a potted plant.  They try it and it opens up the globe, inside is a very old copy of Principia and a battered notebook.  They sit down to investigate:

Home of Mr Oates' Principia

Principia:

• Heavily annotated by Mr Oates alone
• Yvonne examines it, it references John Dee and items about hermetic and chemical principles
• Mike and others also look through it noting links to Manchester Cathedral where Dee was the Abbott
• Also, notes on the Starry Concordium, see below

Notebook:

• The notebook contains references to experiments and collaboration with the Concordium
• It seems Oates doesn't rate this group, saying it was led by a "greasy-haired fool"
• Finally, it indicates that Oates abandoned his work with the Concordium, rating them as ignorant fools

As they leave the school, Mr Paulus does a double-take at Brian, he's seen him before but was sure he wasn't with the initial group, Mike assures Paulus Mr Arnold is just finishing up, then Brian winks at Paulus and they all pile into Carl's car.

2pm, Manchester Cathedral

The group decide a visit to the Cathedral is the next logical step and a furious drive later sees them park up and head into the building.  They split up;

• Mike starts examining the columns for runes
• Carl is checking out the wooden carvings
• Colin eyeballs the comings and goings of the various people
• Yvonne and Brian sense a doorway leading into the private areas of the church is worth checking out

Manchester Cathedral

Mike, Brian and Yvonne look around and then disappear one-by-one through the doorway.  They are in an area full of priestly garbs and accessories.  There is a stone stairway leading up.  Yvonne sees one brick with symbols equivalent to those in Oates' annotated Principia. Yvonne inspects and then wiggles the stone, she pulls it out and on the back are a series of numbers and symbols, they hurriedly scribble these down.  Leaning on a box, they refer back to the Principia and slowly piece together the message, it is a location - latitude and longitude plus a date - today and a time - 8.42pm.  

Preparing to leave they hear footsteps coming down the stairs, eyes darting around they see a small room off to the side, they head in as Brian grabs a Priest's garments.  The footsteps get louder, they quietly arrange the chairs inside this small room in a semi-circle, Brian wiggles into the frock and they sitdown, head bowed in prayer.  

The door creaks open.  Brian intones "Oh diggity...and there doth, thuth endyeth the firstal lessonage, go in peace y'all."  Yvonne looks up, seeing a young priest looking puzzled, "Oh, hello, we've just had our souls saved!"  The group, edge past the priest and head out into the main cathedral, gathering the others and heading outside.

5pm, Deansgate Shopping Centre

Everyone is now clear about what has been found and heading into the city centre, they buy a map and figure out the location is a park in the south of the city, Longford.   Also researching more in the bookshop they read about the Starry Concordium having a focus on finding the Philosopher's Stone.  Oates books reveal this to be a time and place, rather than an object but the gains are the same - everlasting life, turning lead into gold, all sorts of wondrous everything could be accomplished!  The last element of the puzzle is fuzzy, it seems a warning or a dark secret is also attached to the stone.

John Dee and the Philosopher's Stone

A plan is hatched, Brian will call Mrs Gray and send them on a wild goose chase, Carl will call his old girlfriend, he's remembered she was involved in a cult called Starry something or other.  Once done, they'll head to Longford park, at the appointed time and find out exactly what the Philosopher's Stone is all about.

Brian has no trouble convincing Mrs Gray to meet them at Heaton Park, in the opposite direction to Longford, where he promises to handover the Principia.  Karl can't get hold of his girlfriend, Diana, but he speaks to her new boyfriend, who sheepishly tells him she is still a member and they meet out at Longford - there is one such gathering tonight.  Carl and the boyfriend then console each other about getting involved with sad nutjobs, but at least they are benign sad nutjobs.  Mostly.

Having finished the calls, the group decide they have enough time to get some more information before the appointed time.  Mr Oates has had all his belongings gathered up by a removal company, a quick call to his sister, gets the name of the company and an address.  They head over to Stokes and sons.

Carl helps the team break into the Stokes warehouse and with a fair amount of searching, they track down Oates goods and at the bottom of one box is a stained and bloody homemade book.

It is now nearly 8pm, the lore experts, Brian and Yvonne, frantically try and go over the book.  It soon becomes clear, the book worryingly contradicts the other books of Mr Oates.   Firstly, the location is found to be Southern Cemetery and the time is earlier, around 8.30pm.  The final revelation is that the book, stitched together from various pieces of material, some strange and almost leathery & soft, shows clearly how to prepare a body to receive contact from the Philosopher's Stone.

Oates' homemade book

A decision is made, the group head over to the cemetery and try and solve this mystery before the critical time is passed.

8.30pm, Southern Cemetary

Karl puts the pedal to the metal and zooms through Manchester streets, the others look out the window, neon lights blurring into reds and ambers as if they are streaming through the depths of hell.  Carl turns to the group, grinning like a manic, loving these moments.

Carl on Maximum Overdrive

Only minutes remain as they get to the Cemetery, Joy in her eagerness leans over Brian, opens the door and tumbles out, rushing on into the Cemetery, petals and beads trailing behind her.  Brian and the others follow, Brian conjures up an illusion of a pistol and holds this under his overcoat.  Everyone comes to a halt as they see the dimly illuminated grave of their past physics teacher and deep in the grave is Lurch, digging out the earth and cursing as he does it.

Brian looks at his digital watch, it is now 8.30pm, Lurch looks up, climbing out of the grave, "Fuck off if you know what's good for you!" he shouts and points at them all, brandishing the shovel.  Colin twitches and steps forward, as a red mist descends, he snarls and ducks under the swinging shovel, he then punches and karate kicks Lurch who staggers back and falls into the grave.

At this point, Carl, who had been moving to flank Lurch, senses a number of other figures, making their way silently through the graveyard towards them.  Lurch stands up, anger in his face and begins to speak, but is cut short.  A bright luminous ray pierces the sky and hits the grave, a shower of earth, blood and gore flies upward and a silhouetted figure is seen standing in the space where Lurch once stood.  Pieces of Lurch plop noisily onto the ground.

Mr Oates steps out of the light, and smiles at them, sharp incisors are seen as he runs his tongue over them, "Hello boys, fancy meeting you here."  Everyone apart from Carl takes a step backwards and then they realise they are surrounded by the shadowy creatures.  Carl is crouched behind a gravestone, observing.

Vampiric Mr Oates

"Nathan Oates!", says one of the figures, "It is time to tie up the loose ends, and some of us are very, very hungry."  Carl recognises the voice as a gangland boss, that he's had a few run-ins with, he braces himself to leap into the fray.  Colin is also on high alert but waiting, they are severely outnumbered, even for a werewolf, twelve against one is not good odds.  Brian is busy mumbling a few words, he has a spell prepared now, waiting to unleash light as bright as day and then scarper, school reunions are always bad, but this one has been the worst yet.

"Wait!", shouts out Oates to one of the figures, "These boys and girls can be trusted, we have a bond.  We are going to keep this all a secret, right children?" He turns to Brian and the others, his eyes glowing coal red and his teeth visible in the light that now bathes them all.  They all look at each other and then back to Mr Oates, "Yes, Sir!"  Carl leans back against the gravestone, breathes out, he can't get to these abominations, at least for now, he turns over and starts crawling away from the scene.

Carl sits grim-faced in his car when the others, shaken and white-faced, get back to him and get in, he slowly pulls out of the car park, the registration of the cars in the car park all neatly stored in his photographic memory and revenge on his mind.

Last Orders, The Horse and Jockey

Brian, Yvonne, Mike, Carl and Colin all sit nursing pints in the Horse and Jockey.  Yvonne decides to go first, "We need to put a stop to them, right?", they nod in response.  Carl suggests they pick them off one by one, going up against the whole lot will be suicide.  Mike announces, "We can't keep the books, we'll take copies and then we need to figure out how to dispose of them".  [Author remembers something about some copying machine/process but his notes and memory failed him!] Time goes by, Colin has a few sandwiches left in his pocket, he opens up his hands and offers up a few curled specimens.  The others decline.

A final pint

Brian breaks the silence, "An idea... ", he continues, "... we hand back the originals to the Starry Concordium, I'll do it myself disguised as Mr Arnold.  The vampires will trace it back to the nutters and that sadistic bastard.  I always hated PE, this will be sweet revenge."